Taking Back The Deep
September 13th 2006 12:11
Category: No Category
Sometimes here at World News we hear a news story that is so inspirational, so powerful in its uplifting implications of the nobility and indomitability of the human spirit that it quite frankly makes us want to jump right up and stick our head in a bucket of ice.
Such a story is the latest news that some people are killing stingrays in acts of revenge for Steve Irwin's death.
If you've heard a better example of the "can-do" attitude of the Australian people, I'm waiting.
I think it's wonderful that we are finally "taking a stand" against our piscine oppressors. After all, if we let the stingrays think we're weak on the issue, they'll simply gain in confidence and get more and more bold in their outrages. No, appeasement is not the way. We must send a clear and strong message to the stingray community: what you wreak upon us shall return to you tenfold. Mess with humans, and we will choke the beaches with your dead.
Make no mistake: this is a clash of civilisations, people, and as long as we have brave defenders of freedom willing to stand steadfast in the cause of human liberty by killing stingrays and cutting off their tails, we shall prevail.
It's good news all round for the human race here, folks.
I can picture the scene at Secret Underwater Stingray Headquarters now...the President of the United Federation of Stingrays (USF) addressing the General Assembly...
"Brother Stingrays! Our plans for world domination have hit a snag! The humans are onto us! They have uncovered our plot to conquer land-based life forms by assassinating their television personalities, and their revenge has been swift and brutal! We have no choice but to retreat. Perhaps another day we shall return, when the humans are less vigilant. But for now, the highly organised and malicious conspiracy of stingrays must cut its losses and fade away, lest more of our people find themselves tail-less and slaughetered on the sand. Let the word ring out!"
Yes indeed, the news will be flowing quickly through the worldwide stingray network. Stinrays are, after all, renowned not only for their keen intelligence and malevolent personalities, but for their high level of organisation. Don't let any soppy bleeding-heart PETA types tell you this was simply a case of self-defence, or a lone stingray taking matters into his own deranged hands. When this happens, we know that the whole rotten network was involved, and there's only one language that stingrays understand.
Don't let these savage mafiosi of the deep have their way with our cherished liberal democracy. Kill a stingray today for the sake of humanity!
After all, nothing says "enlightened, intelligent, reasonable, morally sophisticated modern human being" like taking collective revenge on an entire species of sea creature.
See you next time.
Got more tales of inspiration and wonder you want to use the mighty force of this blog to share with the world? objieb@people.net.au">Email me!
Such a story is the latest news that some people are killing stingrays in acts of revenge for Steve Irwin's death.
If you've heard a better example of the "can-do" attitude of the Australian people, I'm waiting.
I think it's wonderful that we are finally "taking a stand" against our piscine oppressors. After all, if we let the stingrays think we're weak on the issue, they'll simply gain in confidence and get more and more bold in their outrages. No, appeasement is not the way. We must send a clear and strong message to the stingray community: what you wreak upon us shall return to you tenfold. Mess with humans, and we will choke the beaches with your dead.
Make no mistake: this is a clash of civilisations, people, and as long as we have brave defenders of freedom willing to stand steadfast in the cause of human liberty by killing stingrays and cutting off their tails, we shall prevail.
It's good news all round for the human race here, folks.
I can picture the scene at Secret Underwater Stingray Headquarters now...the President of the United Federation of Stingrays (USF) addressing the General Assembly...
"Brother Stingrays! Our plans for world domination have hit a snag! The humans are onto us! They have uncovered our plot to conquer land-based life forms by assassinating their television personalities, and their revenge has been swift and brutal! We have no choice but to retreat. Perhaps another day we shall return, when the humans are less vigilant. But for now, the highly organised and malicious conspiracy of stingrays must cut its losses and fade away, lest more of our people find themselves tail-less and slaughetered on the sand. Let the word ring out!"
Yes indeed, the news will be flowing quickly through the worldwide stingray network. Stinrays are, after all, renowned not only for their keen intelligence and malevolent personalities, but for their high level of organisation. Don't let any soppy bleeding-heart PETA types tell you this was simply a case of self-defence, or a lone stingray taking matters into his own deranged hands. When this happens, we know that the whole rotten network was involved, and there's only one language that stingrays understand.
Don't let these savage mafiosi of the deep have their way with our cherished liberal democracy. Kill a stingray today for the sake of humanity!
After all, nothing says "enlightened, intelligent, reasonable, morally sophisticated modern human being" like taking collective revenge on an entire species of sea creature.
See you next time.
Got more tales of inspiration and wonder you want to use the mighty force of this blog to share with the world? objieb@people.net.au">Email me!
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Comment by Anonymous
Le Gateau x
Comment by Anonymous
I really enjoyed it.
Regards
Callalilly
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Stories: Put Them in Your Brain
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Comment by Threethumbs
Million Dollar Ideas
$1,000,000 ideas
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Though apparently there is quite a possible chance the stingray deaths have nothing to do with steve irwin at all, aparently it's fairly common for sting rays to be killed like this.
Still doesn't warrant some healthy, well placed outrage.
Comment by BenP
Comment by Ahmed
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Comment by Anonymous
I read it a few times and cant work it out!!
Only a pathetic retard would go out and kill marine species for no reason. Disgusting, have we sunk to saddam's intelligence??
MT
Comment by BenP