Escalation of Hostilities Between Humans, non-sentient life-forms
September 15th 2006 08:14
Category: No Category
Community leaders have called for calm today after alarming new developments in the war between humans and stingrays.
Following the human race's courageous retaliation against the stingray empire for the death of Steve Irwin, reports have been flooding in of numerous savage assaults on trees, apparently in revenge for the brutal murder of racing car champion Peter Brock, killed by a rogue tree while driving in the Targa West rally.
Police report they have been deluged by accounts of trees shot, stabbed, and in some cases mutilated, often with notes reading "For Brocky" left next to the corpses. In several disturbing instances in Tasmania, obscene messages have been carved into the wood of the slaughtered tree itself, examples including "F--- you, murderer", "I kill you scum", and "Helter Skelter".
Government figures and church spokesmen have appealed to the public not to let their anger at the senseless slaying of Brock cause them to take the law into their own hands.
It is thought authorities fear a repeat of the chaos that ensued during the worldwide Pig Massacres of 1974, where millions of pigs, both wild and domestic, were killed in cold blood as payback for the death of singer Mama Cass, dead from choking on a ham sandwich. In many cases, the pigs were converted into sandwiches themselves, and the sandwiches burnt in mass public bonfires.
With the memory of that time still fresh, The Prime Minister's office has issued a statement asking that the public join together in getting through this difficult time peacefully and without violence or arboricide.
"Keep killing those f---ing stingrays, but," the statement concluded.
See you next time.
Want the World News perspective on YOUR bugbear? objieb@people.net.au">Email me!
Following the human race's courageous retaliation against the stingray empire for the death of Steve Irwin, reports have been flooding in of numerous savage assaults on trees, apparently in revenge for the brutal murder of racing car champion Peter Brock, killed by a rogue tree while driving in the Targa West rally.
Police report they have been deluged by accounts of trees shot, stabbed, and in some cases mutilated, often with notes reading "For Brocky" left next to the corpses. In several disturbing instances in Tasmania, obscene messages have been carved into the wood of the slaughtered tree itself, examples including "F--- you, murderer", "I kill you scum", and "Helter Skelter".
Government figures and church spokesmen have appealed to the public not to let their anger at the senseless slaying of Brock cause them to take the law into their own hands.
It is thought authorities fear a repeat of the chaos that ensued during the worldwide Pig Massacres of 1974, where millions of pigs, both wild and domestic, were killed in cold blood as payback for the death of singer Mama Cass, dead from choking on a ham sandwich. In many cases, the pigs were converted into sandwiches themselves, and the sandwiches burnt in mass public bonfires.
With the memory of that time still fresh, The Prime Minister's office has issued a statement asking that the public join together in getting through this difficult time peacefully and without violence or arboricide.
"Keep killing those f---ing stingrays, but," the statement concluded.
See you next time.
Want the World News perspective on YOUR bugbear? objieb@people.net.au">Email me!
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Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
However, time for focus shift.. Stingrays and Trees are only the beginning....
The computers haven't ever begun...